I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
