It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
