So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
