Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
