I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
