My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
