i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
