funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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