did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
