dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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