I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
