I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
