Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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