Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
