I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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