Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
