We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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