Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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