I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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