Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
