My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
