Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
