I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
