literally had 100 drinks last night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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