i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
