Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
