Cold hands, warm shart.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
