We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
