my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
