There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
