i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize