4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
