I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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