I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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