I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
