dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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