the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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