new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
