as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
