I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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