sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
