That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
