Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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