FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
