We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
