I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
