that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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