this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
