My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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