i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
