She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
