I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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