I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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